There was a time when I thought I wasn't capable of loving again... Or at all... Even for a moment more.
Every time I would sit down to write a love story it turned into the death of a soul... A beautiful, elegant soul.
I felt sorry for the character because all she or he would ever know was that they lost their sweet innocence because of me. They lost their wonder because I didn't have wonder to give them. That they lost their joy because I had lost mine.
Then I fell in love again... I believed him. I believed that this love story was the one that wouldn't end in sadness, carnage, a breaking that was unrecoverable... And, even though he broke me and to be fair, I broke him as well. For the first time: the remnants of that real true love have followed me. It has guided me in a way that my characters without souls will find them... Or even in some cases the deeper part of how one can lose the ability to feel love again quickly... With the the loss.
One must understand that some people: they can continue to feel the ability to love even when shattered. And some, like me, they will continue to glue the shattered pieces together hoping that if they are very careful they won't crush the peice they are holding into dust. Praying to a God they dont believe in that they can pull parts of the lost heart from deep down and share it with another... However, more often then not, we come off cold, lost, broken, and unable to communicate the real parts of their souls because the fear is so strong that love is a distant memory.
For my characters I am sorry. This time... If I fail at the ability to love properly... I hope you can forgive me and my ability to write a truly heartbreaking tale of love and how it fails you in the most beautiful and real way possible.
