At times

At times I feel so lost. These words are not coming! And I don't know why. Maybe it's cause I am stuck. Who knows. Maybe I'll start posting the actually story so you all can give me advice.

Grr

Stolen hard drive... stolen life's work... only proof i have that my novel is mine... is that my sister sent me the very first copy i sent to her in 2009.  GRRRRR

Realization.

As I was sitting down to write this blog I realized... 50% of you won't notice i wrote anything... 25% of you won't care that I wrote anything and skim past the words all together.... 34% of you will notice but, not even reply... and that 1% who does read my blog is a friend.  It's funny how some people write a blog to connect. I write a blog (when i have time) to stay sane.  Sane for me, is that the thoughts of destruction are bearable, the self defamation is in hiding, and the pleasantries are in abundance.  I started writing my novel as an outlet.  A reason for all my dirty little secrets... the kind of secrets that would break the prim and proper world.  I started writing because I LOVED it... now i don't even really know what the story is about.  Maybe, it's because it wasn't a good story to begin with... or maybe, it's because i don't think i will ever get it done... or maybe, it's because my life is always upside down that i can't seem to find right side up.  Maybe, it's because I am back on the self destructive path i have always been on.


Either way... it's come to my realization that if i don't write... i just might fade away.