For some reason I have stepped away from my writing.
Maybe it's because I have lost interest in my passion; or maybe it's because I am so drained from school that I can't seem to focus.
Maybe, it's because I have decided to take me back.
Most of you don't know me; so you don't know that I was once an Irish Dancer, or a Classical Flute player. You may no know that I love kids and hate most adults. That I don't have a filter and tend to say what I want without really thinking of the consequences that follow. One thing I know for sure most of you don't know, because I was always so good at thinking I hid/hide it, is that I have a food issue. For most of my junior high and high school days I was a bulimic and anorexic. I had morbid self loathing problems and this great grotesque view of myself. I was never as confident as I seemed. I was more shy then I let on. And, I was one of the saddest people I knew. It took years of help and beautiful Friends to get me through those dark days, I am no longer starving myself of food.
In fact, I love food. Suffice to say, I did not gain weight because of food. I went from being a size 12 to a size 20 in roughly 7 years. I know... it sounds like I quit dancing and got lazy. I didn't.
I suffer from a syndrome called PCOS (it would be easier if you just look it up rather than me explain). That is not all of how I gained my weight but, it is a hindrance in the loosing of it. I have tried to do this with just one support system; however, it's proving to be really hard. When I was a dancer, I was surrounded by people with like minds, food preferences, and drive. Now that I am not, I realize that I thrive with help and support. I have successfully lost 45 lbs! The goal is another 60 and I will be at my ideal and healthy weight (I am trying to not have triggers, and not see myself as a grotesque figure).
I am trying to decided if I want a food diary. I am not sure I do, being that it's not the eating that I have an issue with, normally I don't eat much. I just need a kick start to go to the gym everyday.
Who out there is willing to text me everyday and say "really? you go to that gym!"
Thanks,
Me
