There is something strangely humbling about knowing satisfying your urges sometimes just aren't possible all of time. That could be any urge; the need for chocolate, to write an epic novel that will make you millions, sex, a career you can be proud of. With me, it seems to be that lately writing is touch and go. It's an urge I just can't seem to fulfill. It's that insatiable itch I can't scratch. A lot of times I sit down to write and there I am.... Pen poised to paper and.... Nothing. Witch is beyond frustrating when you had verbiage not more than twenty minutes beforehand. Or, here is one. When your world is perfect so nothing comes out. I can sit and make a thousand more excuses but, the truth of the matter is this: I've lost it.
I wish I wasn't so capable of just stopping the things I start. Well, with my passions at least. If it's the normal everyday, life as I know it. I can keep going. I want to say that I am a workaholic and it's true I am. Also, James is right, I am afraid of success. I'm downright fearful that this book will be great and I'll see a wonderful turn out and then find... The next one will be terrible.
I love to write. It's like music. I need it to function.... Yet, here I am sitting here blogging about my fear while the characters are just wondering around in my head begging to come to life even more than they already have.
When I am not writing, not only am I letting myself down, I am letting my characters down as well. Without me they will never know what it's like to be seen from the eyes of another. Their world will never be fantasized about. Their stories will never be told.
I am being selfish with this fear. What do I have to lose by writing a novel? Oh nothing but the last of my dignity of i fail. What do I have to gain? A better life for my family. A family that I worship and completely adore.
I wish I could say, I'll sit down and write everyday. Maybe I will. What I can say is, I think it's time for me to stop being afraid and start doing my job.
