School... journal writing, and getting my computer back...

These last two weeks of school have been the most fun I have had in a long time. 
I spend hours reading and then doing the work... organized and stylish! HAHA... Jeremy on the other hand while doing well in school hates the work.  I guess opposites do attract! :)  My favorite part about school however, is not the writing or the reading... or even the ability to focus on one thing a time (Which is actually very hard for me), it's that I get to have two classes with my best friend in the whole word.  How could I not love that my husband and I share classes and are focusing our lives together? 

I have been studying some of the greatest writers in my Lit class... also, I am having to journal about them... LOVING it ! I get to write everyday! 


And I am so excited to say that I have my computer back at long last and i can really start writing Raven's story again!!!!! YAY!

Well that's all for now! Talk to you guys later!

Starting School...

As most of you don't know... I am an avid writing... (DUH)
However, what most of you didn't know is that I was starting schooool....
It started out that I thought I wanted to do communications.
I realized after starting school and taking and English Lit class, a critical reading class, and a writing class... that infact i DO NOT want to do communications as a major...

I want to write... always have, always will.

With that said I will not be discounting communications I will just not be focusing on it

Raven is going to have to go to the back burner for a little bit, so i can' focus on my studies..
If anyone actually reads this blog please note I will still be posting here as i get ideas about my story... but I will be creating a third blog called "Response Journal".  This Journal will be mostly my homework but, it will be fun for me and I hope you read it as well...

Thank you,
Jacque

Am I a Writer?

As a person of many words... and less in the action department, I find myself thinking: am I a writer? Do I actually have a good story?

Then after those thoughts... I come to a conclusion by doing what every human does; Rationalization.

I can rationalize why i hate getting up in the monring, i can rationalize why i didn't do the dishes for three days... i can even rationalize my tremendious fear of clowns.

You may ask clowns? Really?
Well, yes really.  Here's my excuse for running from them like a bat out of hell... nearly in tears everytime. (and yes that includes if they are on the tv)
They are child molesting murders.  There i said it... that's my belief and has been... even before like an idiot i read "it" AND saw the movie.... both just solidified the fear.  No, i have no real reason behind it... no, i will never go out of my way to figure it out. And, no my children will NEVER have a clown at their birthday parties... EVER.

See that? I rationalized my unexplained fear... and should i note that i am one of millions with this irrational fear? Honestly, i could make the funniest book just about that fear alone, complete with amusing true stories behind every excuse i have to fear them.

Why did i mention rationalization? Because, every human does it. I don't think that they realize how often or what over... but a person can rationalize the hell out of anything.  But, a writer not only rationalizes but creates a story behind what they have thought to be a good reason for their actions.  Thus you get the novel writing process.  because, without us watching, and making excuses that we know will not help... we create a conflit, and with that confilct we create the hero and heroine... in my case the Heroine is the true saviour...
Did this story come from some excuse i made? Yes, to tell the truth... Raven came to me one day after i was trying to tell my step mom why i wouldn't read anything that had to do with real life.  I was trying to rationalize my need to be taken away from this place called reality.  And, raven just did it for me.  She, was my muse.  Built off of years upon years.. of me reading stories about a boy and his dog, of stories where the girl needs to be saved by a big strong burly man... years upon years of feminine oppression.   Not only that but in reality! After, watching the only female presidential nominee fail to become the TRUE nominee i finally said you know what? I am going to write about Rave... she has been in my head for years... and she can save the world and prove that women have the power and we don't need a boy.


The other part of my conclusion is this: Writers watch.  Seriously, they watch... all the time.  Have you ever wondered why that guy/girl over in the corner at the coffee shop was watching the door and the room around them?  Maybe, just maybe they are writers.  Everything in this world can and will be used in whatever it is they are writing.

I know i do it... watch people.  I have gotten the dirtiest looks, i have even gotten rude comments.  And, and i have used everything in short stories i have written.  and when i say everything.. i truly mean everything.  Want to know something funny? My name means Litterally "The Watching Sea of Bitterness"...

Who do i write for: you the people... why? because the story is me... it's in me... part of me and because of me. It's my world... and i am creating it for you.

One more thing: I question everything... even myself. Without question there is not an answer... and without an answer there are not words.

So with that said... yes, i think i am a writer. 


I urge all writers out there to do what i have done.  Figure out what makes you write... and why you write... and then ask yourself "am i a writer?"  and i bet you will find your answer. 

New Directions

Sometimes, I sit and think... why am I always saying I?

Maybe it's the selfish thoughts of a normal person... or maybe the though "I" is all I know.
Is it the way of the writer?  Do they all say I?  Maybe...  maybe it's human nature... either way I will probably never stop saying saying "I".

on a different note:  Sometimes the question arises... what would happen Raven if her story was written differently?  Would it cause a butterfly affect and create different scenarios every time I changed the story?  I can't for sure say that the answer would be yes... but I can say that I hope somethings surface for her that I am not thinking about just yet.  

I wonder do the writers I love to read ever feel this way? Maybe if they write different scenarios the characters would take on different lives...

Maybe the reason I am thinking about this now... is because I know some things are going to have to change with Raven and that will change the could of everything in the story... I am not sure if it's for the better or not yet... I know that it will be a big change.

Listening to: Pandora...
Channel: Boyce Avenue
Reason: I need to be calm today.

Family...

You know, when posting about things in your life on blogs and facebook and whatnot... don't you ever wonder what makes you... you?
I do all the time... i think well i am this way because of that... or i am flustered because this isn't going my way.

What if we all took the time to think?  Is it really just about me?  Do the people i surround myself with matter?  What about my family?  I can say that i do... but, i am not going to lie and say that.  In fact, in TRUTH... i am selfish.  My world is about me, me, me, me... but what about THEM?

If it weren't for my older sister Janice... i would be wallowing in self pity, complaining EVERYDAY about my hardships... but she is the reason in my life.  She is just plain rational.  The woman never stops pointing out the obvious, without any care that you may freak out.  I love that about her.  I need that.  Think about the one person in your life that can't help but be rational?  Then think... what have i done to help them?  With that,k i haven't done ANYTHING lately to help her... in fact, all she has done is help me.  Time to change that... starting today. 

If i didn't have my baby sister Sophie... i would forget that there is laughter and beauty in this world.  Sometimes i think; does this girl even KNOW how amazing she is?  If not, why?  I mean can't she see that her beauty is all throughout her?  Thank the Lord he created this one.  She is an amazing mom... an amazing sister... and funny to boot! I give her all the A's in the world! and Freaking gold stars!

My Brother Ronny... well he's just hands down the coolest cat i know... battling diversity with every step... and does it with a smile, a laugh, and a joke.

Jeremy... how do i say that he completes me without being 1) corny and 2) lame?  By saying that he is my world... simple as that.  He is my balance and my whole.  Without the world of him i would be walking alone... sad.

With out these three siblings i would be nothing...
With out the love a great man i would be soulless..
With out the support of my friends and family here in Oregon, i would be lost.

When was the last time any of you thought of them? Your loved ones that support you?

Building a home and creating a novel

I have been so bugged down with building a home that I forgot I have a novel to write.
I guess it's not that I have to write the story... but it's like it seeping out of my body... pouring through my fingers and toes!

Raven is begging to written about... she is begging me to be ALIVE!

Hopefully tonight I will upload some of my story here... or maybe just write another chapter!

Building a home... creating an OCD friendly house is very difficult.  Good thing i don't count anymore... I just alphabetize and color code... oh well... all who live with me know.

I love you all out there who read my blog.

It means the world to know I can post my words and just have someone read them and just know what I am feeling...

The Journey to The World's Collide (a novel): Music...

The Journey to The World's Collide (a novel): Music...: Isn't it amazing how people use music? I mean... i use music to just function in the "real world"... I use music to eat to, breath to, sho...