Not good enough to be a novel

I have sat down to write my novel several times. I have a good majority of it down… but you know, there seems to be a part of me that is afraid of finishing it. With no idea as to why…

Maybe it’s fear or blockage… and maybe it’s lack of drive? No, I don’t think its lack of drive… I have plenty of that.

It might be fear… fear that I will fail and then what? Blockage seems to be happening a lot for me.

I have the characters, the story, the idea, the setting…

I even have the ability to research some of these things…

So why? Why can’t I finish something that is now 6 years in the making?

Lately, I have been really wrapped in my favorite author Laurell K Hamilton’s novels. In fact it's the last three that I didn’t have the time to read before... She does something with her characters, which makes me feel so much for them… even the serial killers, bad guys, and monsters; make me sad.

Maybe it’s that I can see the love she has for each of her characters’?

I don’t know if I love my characters enough to even describe them on paper…

I don’t know if care enough to let the world care for them too…

I am a reader, that’s what I do… I love to read almost as much as I love music.

So why can’t I write?

My sister is my reader… it means a lot to me when she will sit down and read a chapter… or a paragraph. Sophie has managed to tell me that she (not really a reader) is enthralled with my book.

So why can’t I be enthralled? Why can’t I feel for my characters?

What makes it sooo much more difficult for me? Is it because it's my story? Is it because I don't believe it? I am always saying... "I loved the words in that song... but I don't believe the singer" Does that apply for novels too? If I don't believe what I am saying... what makes me think others will as well?

Is it location? Am I writing in all the wrong places, being distracted by too much? Or not enough?

Should I turn on music that inspires me to write from that heart? Would that help?

The journey to the 6th chapter has been hard... and yet, I don't really care for the first 5...

Should I just start over?

I had a dream once, that my novel would be a New York Times best seller... now I am not so sure it will ever leave my computer....